Coming back from you
Is this the right side of the road?
You've taken me to a place
I must untangle the thoughts
But I caught every word in the back of my throat
Makes so much sense
How is it now that I don't know
which way to turn
How do I get back home?
Guess I'm overjoyed that you see me
In that-
Did the world just sway?
Clutching the wheel
This song too slow for my eyes
Someone sing me into focus
Help
Get this lost soul home alive.
Such a good time
What a time it is
To be with you
And just not be
For a moment wrapped up in me.
Just keep talking there
About the game and the dream
The things you plan to build
And the places you'll see
Of every little thing bringing you tears
Making you laugh
The voices in your head
The flavors on your tongue
I am right I am wrong
Not for now
For now I am nothing
And we are young.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
my friend's are my best habits.
Blogger comes up with the best security approval words like "efloil" and "zoolsene" I think I'll start using them as real words.
Efloil- v. to make a facial expression completely opposite to the emotion your feeling inside.
Anyone one got an idea for zoolsene?
What some of my friends would be, if they were experiences or things i "do"
Abbey: getting high off of caffeine. Spend enough time with her and you get jittery and excited and ready to be convinced of anything.
Ian: childish tattoos. Don’t use them often. when I do I anticipate they're appearance like crazy as I press a cold washcloth against my skin, and when they reveal themselves, it just takes me back.
Kiernan: rearranging furniture. Always underestimate the sweat I'll break. Still the same in different orientation always leaves me feeling fresh
Taylor: Reading philosophical, or self help books. I can always find a piece of mind and go away feeling like I'm not crazy for over thinking my life...or not knowing how to do a simmmple task- I have tay to explain it to me. (you wouldn't believe how many lil things I don't quite understand fully haha, maybe you would.)
Rakshya: Going into stores just to spray on perfume. Looking into her eyes, I have an urge to sit up straight and get in-touch with my feminine mystique, and like my favorite perfumes, this girl brings variety: a gentle mix of wildness in her untamed hair, a foreign kind of mystery in her raspy voice, and a touch of allure in her open minded, easy going eyes. A perfume must be part flower and part exotic spice.
Rachel: Reading a great novel. Like our relationship, this is a habit I rarely get in touch with but when I do it's always amazing, and the way it (she) can get to the heart of me feels like a blessing. And like all good novels, she's and intriguing page turner, and one I will have to go back and re-read again and again. And yes, there's always more to discover.
Rehab: Oh rehab, she's one of the few habits I really pride myself in. I have a habit of listening to a song, and just figuring it out by ear on piano or guitar. This person like this ability come soooooooooo natural to me bring me such joy. People say they'd give anything to be able to do this, and even more so, I believe, people desire to have but one person in their lives that are of her caliber. She is the moment I figure out the entire song and all is right with the world.
this boy I know: attempting to paint cubism. I start out strong then get lost in the lines, im misguided and bewildered by the colors. Excitement overtakes, and I've finished before I really began.
Antonella: late night lifetime line up. Will and grace- I die of laughter, Frasier-I analyze her silly mind, Golden Girls- I feel like a crazy old friend.
Adrienne: jamin out to 80s. She's wild and never gets old.
there are tons other but i can't think of anymore. To all of you out there who do me good, i appreciate you and how much you inspire me.
Efloil- v. to make a facial expression completely opposite to the emotion your feeling inside.
Anyone one got an idea for zoolsene?
What some of my friends would be, if they were experiences or things i "do"
Abbey: getting high off of caffeine. Spend enough time with her and you get jittery and excited and ready to be convinced of anything.
Ian: childish tattoos. Don’t use them often. when I do I anticipate they're appearance like crazy as I press a cold washcloth against my skin, and when they reveal themselves, it just takes me back.
Kiernan: rearranging furniture. Always underestimate the sweat I'll break. Still the same in different orientation always leaves me feeling fresh
Taylor: Reading philosophical, or self help books. I can always find a piece of mind and go away feeling like I'm not crazy for over thinking my life...or not knowing how to do a simmmple task- I have tay to explain it to me. (you wouldn't believe how many lil things I don't quite understand fully haha, maybe you would.)
Rakshya: Going into stores just to spray on perfume. Looking into her eyes, I have an urge to sit up straight and get in-touch with my feminine mystique, and like my favorite perfumes, this girl brings variety: a gentle mix of wildness in her untamed hair, a foreign kind of mystery in her raspy voice, and a touch of allure in her open minded, easy going eyes. A perfume must be part flower and part exotic spice.
Rachel: Reading a great novel. Like our relationship, this is a habit I rarely get in touch with but when I do it's always amazing, and the way it (she) can get to the heart of me feels like a blessing. And like all good novels, she's and intriguing page turner, and one I will have to go back and re-read again and again. And yes, there's always more to discover.
Rehab: Oh rehab, she's one of the few habits I really pride myself in. I have a habit of listening to a song, and just figuring it out by ear on piano or guitar. This person like this ability come soooooooooo natural to me bring me such joy. People say they'd give anything to be able to do this, and even more so, I believe, people desire to have but one person in their lives that are of her caliber. She is the moment I figure out the entire song and all is right with the world.
this boy I know: attempting to paint cubism. I start out strong then get lost in the lines, im misguided and bewildered by the colors. Excitement overtakes, and I've finished before I really began.
Antonella: late night lifetime line up. Will and grace- I die of laughter, Frasier-I analyze her silly mind, Golden Girls- I feel like a crazy old friend.
Adrienne: jamin out to 80s. She's wild and never gets old.
there are tons other but i can't think of anymore. To all of you out there who do me good, i appreciate you and how much you inspire me.
dremedy 1
Dremedy 1
I had a baby last night. I didn't dream about the actual "having it" part. But she was sooo much a part of me. Upsetting it is, that I can't perfectly remember her face. There was this warmth I felt that I had never felt before. I held her and knew she was mine, and only in my arms she wouldn't cry. I think I've found the girl of my dreams (not just literally I mean I feel as thought if I'm every to have a child, it will be THIS child). I woke up feeling like whoever I was before didn't matter. This feeling soon subsided once the duties of my current and very real life took over, but I can still call upon that moment, and feel 100% good, and happy. It's almost impossible for me to understand how I could feel this way, for I've never had such a precious thing, nor have I ever really imagined it to that extent, just pictured it in my conscious state and felt that peaceful. Sure I think of babies and having one myself, but never saw it face to face and felt it heart to heart.
Then something terrible happened in my dream. All these noisy children came in and caused a disturbance, and I could not find her. I told my father to make a loud noise, because I figured, as the mother which I'm really not, that like a cellphone, she would respond to a call. Of course, she did but only for a few seconds, also something babies don't do. And then her voice was lost again. I felt that she had shrunk. I just felt it inside me. I found her eventually in a in a corner. I held her and she was so small she fit in my hand. I turned away and felt her escaping. A wild little creature in my hand I covered my left on top of my right and felt these little wings. Fluttering about in my hand- "This is over," I felt. And I let her go, also seeing that in trying to hold onto her I had crushed part of her wing.
My left ovary huts today.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
ramble.
What makes people chug along? What's the choo- choo train inside of you?
For me it's a transparent thing, I can't sense it fully I really can't. I think why am I here? What is my purpose. Am I not just another organism like the ladybug on the windowsill? I have more right to be here than she, right? And what kind of a purpose can a ladybug have? Therefore maybe I have none either. I don't mean this to sound negative by any means. Yes, I am at a point in my life where I truly haven't found my "calling" perhaps when I find it I'll feel differently. Just saying. Sometimes when it's silent very silent only, not eve the walls speak to me, and life outside of my own mind escapes and I see absolutely nothing. This consoles me as some form of meditation, and then it leaved me bewildered by the idea that someday I won't be here. Haha, shortly after this scary feeling I run and do something, to prove myself that, hey I am here and there is purpose, there has to be.
Was also thinking today about awesome feelings like the attachement I have to old songs. Really. I here something I dunno: something you'd here in a victorian movie, a harpsicord playing, the piano in Edit Piaf's "La Foule" or Rock around the Clock, and it makes me extreamly happy because I'm there, and I get this lovely misconception that things were better in the past. What do I know I wasn't there. But it just seems wonderful. Someone please send me back in time heheee.
Movive: I love you man was pretty good. My friend kidded around with me asking, "Would've been better had Russell Brand had a part right?" Honestly, yea, but nonethe less, Jason Segal is amazing. I'd say he's even a looker, yes definately a looker. ahh, sigh. I heard him talk on NPR, and he was just so genuine, and lovely, and seemed just as excited about RBrand as me. whooot.
ok im done, ah work!
For me it's a transparent thing, I can't sense it fully I really can't. I think why am I here? What is my purpose. Am I not just another organism like the ladybug on the windowsill? I have more right to be here than she, right? And what kind of a purpose can a ladybug have? Therefore maybe I have none either. I don't mean this to sound negative by any means. Yes, I am at a point in my life where I truly haven't found my "calling" perhaps when I find it I'll feel differently. Just saying. Sometimes when it's silent very silent only, not eve the walls speak to me, and life outside of my own mind escapes and I see absolutely nothing. This consoles me as some form of meditation, and then it leaved me bewildered by the idea that someday I won't be here. Haha, shortly after this scary feeling I run and do something, to prove myself that, hey I am here and there is purpose, there has to be.
Was also thinking today about awesome feelings like the attachement I have to old songs. Really. I here something I dunno: something you'd here in a victorian movie, a harpsicord playing, the piano in Edit Piaf's "La Foule" or Rock around the Clock, and it makes me extreamly happy because I'm there, and I get this lovely misconception that things were better in the past. What do I know I wasn't there. But it just seems wonderful. Someone please send me back in time heheee.
Movive: I love you man was pretty good. My friend kidded around with me asking, "Would've been better had Russell Brand had a part right?" Honestly, yea, but nonethe less, Jason Segal is amazing. I'd say he's even a looker, yes definately a looker. ahh, sigh. I heard him talk on NPR, and he was just so genuine, and lovely, and seemed just as excited about RBrand as me. whooot.
ok im done, ah work!
4.15.09
I'm thinking that if this summer isn't fun I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.
A conversation with a friend:
We should have done Steven's favorite subject!
>>Fuck that!
You will want him later when he's mine.
>>K. Good luck with that. he's has twins, You gonna be a mother so young?....
I had a dog. Really Cindy, it'd be like caring for two cocker spaniels!
>>Right, and you can feed them kibble. I'm sure they'll loveee that.
Stop!
I will die of laughter I hope
>>Maybe we should do an EKG on you. Track arrhythmias, and publish your laughter as a potential trigger.
Oh Steven....
A conversation with a friend:
We should have done Steven's favorite subject!
>>Fuck that!
You will want him later when he's mine.
>>K. Good luck with that. he's has twins, You gonna be a mother so young?....
I had a dog. Really Cindy, it'd be like caring for two cocker spaniels!
>>Right, and you can feed them kibble. I'm sure they'll loveee that.
Stop!
I will die of laughter I hope
>>Maybe we should do an EKG on you. Track arrhythmias, and publish your laughter as a potential trigger.
Oh Steven....
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