ramble.

What makes people chug along? What's the choo- choo train inside of you?
For me it's a transparent thing, I can't sense it fully I really can't. I think why am I here? What is my purpose. Am I not just another organism like the ladybug on the windowsill? I have more right to be here than she, right? And what kind of a purpose can a ladybug have? Therefore maybe I have none either. I don't mean this to sound negative by any means. Yes, I am at a point in my life where I truly haven't found my "calling" perhaps when I find it I'll feel differently. Just saying. Sometimes when it's silent very silent only, not eve the walls speak to me, and life outside of my own mind escapes and I see absolutely nothing. This consoles me as some form of meditation, and then it leaved me bewildered by the idea that someday I won't be here. Haha, shortly after this scary feeling I run and do something, to prove myself that, hey I am here and there is purpose, there has to be.
Was also thinking today about awesome feelings like the attachement I have to old songs. Really. I here something I dunno: something you'd here in a victorian movie, a harpsicord playing, the piano in Edit Piaf's "La Foule" or Rock around the Clock, and it makes me extreamly happy because I'm there, and I get this lovely misconception that things were better in the past. What do I know I wasn't there. But it just seems wonderful. Someone please send me back in time heheee.

Movive: I love you man was pretty good. My friend kidded around with me asking, "Would've been better had Russell Brand had a part right?" Honestly, yea, but nonethe less, Jason Segal is amazing. I'd say he's even a looker, yes definately a looker. ahh, sigh. I heard him talk on NPR, and he was just so genuine, and lovely, and seemed just as excited about RBrand as me. whooot.

ok im done, ah work!

4.15.09

I'm thinking that if this summer isn't fun I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.

A conversation with a friend:

We should have done Steven's favorite subject!

>>Fuck that!

You will want him later when he's mine.

>>K. Good luck with that. he's has twins, You gonna be a mother so young?....

I had a dog. Really Cindy, it'd be like caring for two cocker spaniels!

>>Right, and you can feed them kibble. I'm sure they'll loveee that.

Stop!

I will die of laughter I hope

>>Maybe we should do an EKG on you. Track arrhythmias, and publish your laughter as a potential trigger.

Oh Steven....